I'm here now and I'm not dead
by RSparkles
Summary: Barney has been gone for 3 years. What happens when he returns to New York? And where exactly was he?
1. Chapter 1

**I was really bored, so I just wrote this in an hour. Hope it's not boring. **

* * *

He looked down at his grave. It was beautiful flowers all around it. He couldn't believe it had been 3 years since he was here last time to bury the doll that represented him as a dead man in this graveyard. It felt like a lifetime ago. He didn't know how the others would react when they saw him, but he knew exactly who to go to first.

* * *

Shawn heard the doorbell when he was about to go to bed next to Robin. "I'll open it," he said while smiling at her.

"Hello, what can I help you with," he asked the blond man who wore a really worn out suit.

"Hi, whoever the hell you are. I need to talk to Robin." The man said and walked in to the apartment and screamed.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE HAPPENED HERE?"

* * *

It had been some time since it happened last time, but it definitely happened again now. She could hear him. She knew she'd heard his voice before too and she always started to look for him even though she knew it was only in her mind. But it had never been so load. His voice was screaming in her mind. Was that even possible?

"WHERE'S THE STORMTROOPER?"

She heard him again. She tried to ignore it, but it sounded so real. It always sounded real to her, but this time his voice seemed to come from the living room.

The door opened and Shawn looked at her in confusion.

"A man is here claiming this is his home and that a storm trooper is missing."

NO! It could not be him, he was dead she knew it. He was buried 3 years ago.

It was probably just some guy who had made up some joke.

She followed her new boyfriend into the living room and that's when she first saw him.

* * *

He looked her straight into her eyes. This was the moment he had been waiting for since he left. He could see on her face that she was extremely shocked. He didn't blame her. She'd thought he'd been dead for 3 years.

She broke into tears. Barney couldn't hide it anymore either. He realized he was crying too, maybe even more than her. When he left he didn't know if he ever would come back, but that was better than knowing she would be killed if he didn't.

"Are you real?" She asked.

Barney didn't answer he just walked over to her and gave her a hug.

It felt so good to have his arms around her again. He didn't want to let go of her. He knew her boyfriend was watching, but he didn't care about him. Barney was her husband and he knew he meant more to her than this guy named eeh…He had no idea what his name was, but he didn't care. All he cared about was that Robin was safe and she was in his arms now and he would never leave her again.

He moved his head so he could look her in the eyes.

"Yes babe, I'm here now and I'm not dead. I've never been dead."

* * *

**I'm not sure if I'll make more chapters of this story. I have some ideas, but I don't know. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to make this story longer, but I still don't know how many chapters I'll make. **

**I hope you like this one. **

* * *

_He lay on the ground coughing. The pain got worse for every time he coughed, but it was impossible to stop. His whole body was shaking. Not because he was cold, but he was scared._

_It started raining which was good after the terrible wildfire. He had no idea how long the rain would last, but he knew it would rain a lot. Because that's why it's called a rainforest, right?_

_Suddenly he heard a voice, but he had no idea what the man said. The man looked down at him with angry eyes and reached for something with his right hand._

_Barney closed his eyes. He knew what the man probably would do to him, so why not get over with it?_

_"Go on, just kill me." He said with his eyes closed._

_He opened his eyes to see that the man pointed an arrow at him no actually it was two men pointing each arrow at him. They would probably stab him together and enjoy hearing him in pain._

_"NO! Don't kill me." He screamed desperately._

_But it didn't help. They both stabbed him. One of the arrows hit his right foot the other one hit his stomach._

_"AAAHH!" He screamed of pain._

* * *

He looked around for the two men, but he couldn't see them anywhere. He couldn't see the forest around him either and that's when he realized it was just a bad dream. The worst thing about the dream was that it had actually happened, but it was 2 years ago and he'd never dreamed about it before.

He looked at Robin who had fallen of the couch because of his sudden movement.

"What's wrong?" She asked him.

"I don't want to talk about it right now." He said and observed the apartment.

He had to make sure it was real. He had to make sure he really was home in his fortress of barnitude.

"Where's the storm trooper?"

"In the closet," she said and sat down beside him on the couch. He didn't remember why they had decided to sleep on the couch, but he guessed he'd probably just fallen asleep before even thinking of moving to the bed and she'd decided to sleep with him.

"Why is it there?" he asked curious.

"It reminded me way too much of you," she said and moved closer to him. He pushed her gently up on his lap. "By the way, where's your boyfriend?"

"He left and I don't mind it. He was just good to have when you were gone. And he didn't want to come in the way of a married couple." She said and smiled.

Barney couldn't help but smile back. She was so gorgeous and he hadn't held her like this in 3 years.

He looked into her beautiful eyes as he stroked his hand through her brown hair.

"So, have you told the others that I'm alive?"

"No. I thought maybe we could surprise them tomorrow. Right now I want you all by myself," she said and gave him a dirty smile.

He grinned and pulled her into a kiss. And it was so good. He hadn't kissed her in forever and it was definitely the best thing that happened since he came home. The kiss got deeper and better for every second. He took both his hands under her sweater and ripped it off.

His heart pumped of adrenaline as he touched her bare skin for the first time in three years. He moved his hands slowly and passionate to her hips and lifted her up in his arms and headed for the bedroom.

He'd been waiting for this to happen so long. He'd had dreams about this so many times and he didn't even know if he would come back, but here he was. Finally back in New York about to make love to his wife.

The most beautiful woman alive.

* * *

**If you want me to continue the story please tell me what you think. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I am sick and didn't want to waste my time doing nothing, so I decided to write another chapter. **

**I hope I didn't mess up my English too much. **

* * *

She just woke up from the most wonderful dream she'd ever had. Barney had never really been dead and returned when it was safe. They'd even ended up having sex and it was so good. She couldn't believe it wasn't for real.

Suddenly the alarm went off and she let out a small sigh before she punched it of the nightstand. She turned around expecting to see Shawn beside her, but he wasn't there. She felt her heart skip a beat when she realized her wonderful dream wasn't just a dream it was reality.

The alarm went off again, but she didn't care. She couldn't get her eyes of the man beside her. She snuggled closer to him and decided she could take the day of work to be with her husband, who had been gone for 3 years.

"Aren't you gonna turn that off?" he said with his eyes closed.

She had been too busy looking at him she'd almost forgotten the alarm that howled.

"Nah. It'll turns itself off in a couple of seconds," she said and stroked his hair with her left hand.

He opened his eyes to look at her and started to grin like an idiot.

"What?" Robin asked curious.

"It's just really good to be back in my own bed waking up to you."

Robin smiled and kissed him gently on the lips. "So, we're going to surprise them today and I have an idea how to do it, but first we need to take a shower."

Barney didn't answer, he pushed himself up and dragged her with him into the bathroom.

"If we're both gonna take a shower it'll take less time if we take it together."

"You're an idiot," was all she was able to say before his lips pressed against hers. "I love you too," he said between kisses. The good thing was that they didn't have any clothes on, so it would go much quicker. She had both her hands in his hair when he caressed her body. His hands and lips touching every part of her. He kissed her neck when his hands made their way from her waist to her hips and he lifted her up and stepped into the shower. Water poured over them when he pressed her into the wall and kissed her deeply. There was no better way to start the day than taking a shower with Barney.

* * *

"Hello," Lily said when she answered her phone.

"Lily, I need someone to talk to, can we meet at Maclaren's at 8pm?" Robin asked and sniffled.

"What's wrong Robin?"

"Shawn cheated on me," Robin managed to get some tears out of her eyes and she probably sounded really desperate too. She looked up at Barney who tried his best to not laugh.

"Oh no, Robin. I knew that guy was a cheating bastard. I tried to tell you all the time, but you never listened."

Robin had just as much trouble as Barney not to laugh. Shawn had never cheated on her, which made it even funnier to listen to Lily who knew absolutely nothing.

"You want all of us to come or just me?" Lily asked.

"All of you," she realized she hadn't managed to sound sad and therefore she decided to fake crying before she said goodbye.

* * *

All four of them gathered around the booth the only one missing was Ted's wife and of course Barney. Ted and his wife had married 9 months after Barney's death and now she was visiting her mother at the hospital. Which meant she wouldn't be here.

Robin didn't mind that she couldn't come. The most important people were Ted, Marshall and Lily.

"How are you feeling?" Ted asked.

"Fine." She said and smiled.

She could see them giving each other looks. No one ever seems so happy after finding out someone cheated on them. It probably seemed strange for all of them because they knew how sad she had sounded on the call with Lily.

"Really, you're fine?" Marshall asked confused.

All of them stared at her.

She couldn't hide her smile anymore. She was probably smiling like an idiot, but right now she didn't mind 'cause she just spotted Barney who came in the doors to Maclaren's for the first time after his return.

The others turned to see what or who she was looking at.

"Oh my god," she heard Lily whisper.

"What up bro's. You're not rid of me yet"

* * *

**I hope you liked it. **

**I will write more chapters. I have no idea how many, but I think I will reveal where Barney was when he was gone in the next chapter. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's another chapter. Wanna know where Barney was? **

**Hope you like it ;)**

* * *

All of them seemed to be quite shocked. Barney just smiled at them and looked over to Ted, "Bro, can you let me sit beside my wife?" Ted didn't answer at first, he just gaped and stared at Barney with big eyes until he managed to say a few words.

"But…but…how…I thought you were dead, but…but you're here. How?"

Barney smiled "Ted, first of all a bro must never leave without saying anything. Did I say something?"

"No, but you died. I saw your body when they buried you."

"Ha, I was scared it wouldn't work, but it did." Barney said out load. Load enough for the whole bar to hear.

"What did work?" Lily asked confused.

Barney didn't answer. He jumped up on the table and looked at all the people in the bar while yelling. "I AM BACK AND I WAS NEVER DEAD. I AM TOO AWESOME TO BE KILLED."

Robin realized she never knew how he died and she had no idea where he'd been all these years. He hadn't told her anything.

"WHEN I AM OVER HUNDRED I MIGHT DIE BECAUSE I'M TOO AWESOME FOR THE WORLD TO HANDLE…I WILL BE REMEMBE…EH"

Robin grabbed his hand and dragged him down from the table.

"Enough of that. We all know how awesome you are. You don't have to say it all the time. Especially not like this."

Barney pulled her closer to him and kissed her deeply. She knew they were standing in front of the others, but it felt so good she couldn't help but kiss him back.

"Barney, where were you all these years?" She heard Ted ask.

It took some time before Barney broke the kiss and turned to Ted.

"Really, Ted. Do you really want to know?"

"YES," Lily answered excited.

"Are your name Ted?" Barney asked.

"No, but…"

"OK, I'll tell you"

* * *

_It was dark all around him. It was impossible to see where he walked. He tried to follow the two men who caught him, but his body was hurt. He couldn't move a foot without screaming of pain._

_"AAAH"_

_Something just bit his foot. He was sure of it. The two men came closer and they pointed their arrows at him again._

_"Just kill me now," he said. He was tired of all the pain and it would probably be better to die than walk a hundred miles in the rain forest._

_One of them threw his arrow on the ground and took his hand on Barney and dragged him so that he fell._

_"AAH." Barney had never felt so much pain before. The only thing that could possibly feel worse than this was if Robin ever decided to divorce him._

_He could feel the pain spreading around his body. He didn't even know what it was that bit him, but he was sure it was a bite._

* * *

"I think I fainted after that." Barney said after telling them a small bit of what he'd been doing the years he'd been away.

"What bit you?" Marshall asked curious.

"A eastern coral snake." Barney said actually sounding happy.

"Omg, those are dangerous you should've been dead." Marshall said.

"Don't you remember what I said before? I can't be killed Marshall. I'm too awesome for that."

Robin rolled her eyes, but Barney ignored it and decided to continue the story.

* * *

_He opened his eyes. He could hear drumming all around him. He had to be in some kind of tribe, a Latin American tribe in the middle of the jungle. He tried to move, but he couldn't move a muscle. He was as good as dead. They would probably eat him alive. He knew nothing about them. They could be cannibals._

_"Help," he tried to scream, but he could barely hear his own voice through all the crazy tribe music._

_"You have to relax. We won't eat you." He heard a lady's voice say in English. Is that possible? Can someone talk English in this hidden tribe in the middle of the jungle?_

_He tried to see the woman he just heard, but he couldn't move his head._

_"I know you're scared, but we're taking care of you."_

_She came closer, so he could see her. She was hot and was definitely someone past Barney would bang if he'd ever had the chance._

* * *

Before he was able to tell more Ted interrupted him.

"That's cool Barney, but where exactly were you?"

"Latin America, Ted. Are you even listening?" Barney answered a little annoyed.

"I know you were in Latin America, but which country and why were you there?"

"Have you ever heard of Panama?" Barney said.

"Yes, but why there?"

Barney didn't answer. He grabbed Robin's hand and dragged her with him away from the booth.

"I need some time alone with you before I tell them the rest of my crazy journey."

"But, they want to hear more now," Robin said.

"Well, they have to wait," he said and pulled her into the ladies room.

* * *

**Please, tell me what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**This story turned out to be quite different from how I thought it would be, but I hope it's not too bad. **

**Sorry if I messed up my English. **

* * *

They had been waiting forever. Barney had dragged Robin with him into the ladies room and they all knew what they would do in there, but it'd been 20 minutes and they hadn't come back.

"Seriously, I want to hear more of this crazy Barney story. Why can't they come back?" Ted said and looked at Marshall and Lily.

Lily seemed to be just as annoyed as Ted, but Marshall managed to be patient. "He's been gone for 3 years, let them have some fun for at least 5 more minutes."

They waited at least 20 more minutes, but no one came back.

"I don't think they'll be back." Marshall said really annoyed this time.

Lily stormed into the ladies room yelling, "What is taking so long…"

It didn't take long time before she realized she had yelled into an empty room.

What? Where could they be?

* * *

30 minutes ago:

"Barney, they want to hear more of your story." Robin said giggling when he kissed her neck tenderly. He pushed her into the wall and pressed her lips against his and their tongues entwined. She could feel a rush of happiness running through her body. She had her hands placed in his soft hair while he touched every single part of her. She broke the kiss and exhaled some air for a couple of milliseconds before her lips attacked his again. Barney had no idea how long they'd just made out, but he didn't want it to stop. It felt so good.

He let out a sigh when his phone started to ring. He reached for it, but he didn't stop kissing her. He couldn't stop kissing her. It was too good. Whoever called him now needed a really good explanation for interrupting them.

He looked at his phone, but it was an anonymous caller. First he didn't want to answer it, but after all he'd been through these last years an anonymous caller could be serious problems.

"Go for Barney."

"Hey, Mr. Stinson?" The guy in the other end asked.

"Yes," Barney answered concerned.

"Adrianna is in New York looking for you."

"Adrianna."

Just the name gave him shivers. Some of the worst things he'd ever been through were with that woman. She was the worst person he knew. All his awesomeness had disappeared with that woman. She had punched it right out of his face. She'd made him feel like a little scared kid and now she was in New York City probably planning a revenge.

"What do I do?"

"Get you and your wife home. We'll be waiting." The man said and hung up.

We'll be waiting? Barney had no idea who the man was, but he knew he didn't want see Adrianna ever again.

"We'll have to go, no questions asked." Barney said and looked at Robin.

"What, why?" Robin asked confused.

Barney just took her hand and dragged her to the nearest window and answered again "No questions asked."

* * *

40 minutes later:

"So, you want me to go back to Panama and take Robin with me?"

"I don't want you to, but you have to." The man Robin didn't even know the name of answered.

"No, I'm not going back there. It's hell to me."

Barney panicked. Robin didn't even want to imagine what he'd really been through in Panama.

"I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure New York will be hell as long as Adrianna is here." The man said.

"Wait, who is Adrianna?" Robin looked at both of them really wishing to get an answer.

"And this time, please answer me."

"It's the woman from the tribe that caught me. She's probably the craziest woman I've ever met." Barney answered as honest as he possibly could.

"Oh, really? When you were telling about her she sounded quite beautiful."

"Yes, but that was my first impression of her." Barney said clearly not wanting too many questions about this.

He looked at the man as if he'd known him for years.

"How are we gonna get there?" Barney asked.

The man pointed his fingers at a huge box in the middle of the room.

How did he get the box into their apartment? Everything seemed so strange. How could they even trust this guy?

"Are we going to Panama in that thing?" Robin asked.

"Of course. After everything Barney's done there he can't take a plane. If anyone see's him they'll probably kill you right away."

What? What had Barney done there? She turned to Barney really confused.

"I didn't do anything and by the way. I am not going to Panama in that thing." Barney said and pointed at the box.

"Well, you have too." The man said and before Barney could answer a man came up behind him and hit his head with a bat.

* * *

Robin and a small latin girl were holding hands. They both seemed so happy walking around in the streets of New York. The girl had to be around 4 years old and was one of the cutest little girls Barney had ever seen. It seemed like she was on her way to school or maybe on her way home.

The little girl's smile got wider when she saw him. She poked Robin's leg and pointed at his direction and screamed something that scared him to death.

"DAD!"

* * *

**I hope it wasn't too bad. **


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm sorry it has taken so long to write this. My laptop stopped working when I had almost finished a new chapter and I haven't had any good ideas.**

**(Not that this is a good one)**

**This is kind of short, but I hope you like it. **

* * *

She had tried to wake him up for something that felt like hours, but it seemed to be impossible. He just lay there like a peaceful child who had no idea what was going on.

She didn't know what to do. Her heart pounded faster because she was scared. Scared of where they were taking them and what they would do. Everything would've been so much better if Barney was awake. She wouldn't have been this scared.

She looked at her beautiful sleepy husband and for a moment she didn't feel frightened anymore. She lay down beside him and took his hands over her waist and closed her eyes.

* * *

_She was in NewYork City. A small dog walked beside her and she could feel a tiny hand in her own. She turned to her left and looked at the cute little latin girl. She had no idea why she was holding this girl's hand, but for some reason it felt normal to her._

_"Mom, why are we stopping?" The girl asked and looked up at her._

_The word mom shocked her. How could she be the mom to this girl? She couldn't have kids and this girl didn't look anything like her or Barney._

_She didn't have the time to answer before the little girl poked her leg. _

_The thought of her as mom made her laugh. She laughed when she turned to look the way the girl pointed. She laughed even more when she realized Barney was standing on the other side of the street._

_She didn't know exctly why she laughed so much, but the thought of her and Barney ever being parents had always been so far away and now when she thought about it she couldn't stop laughing._

_"DAD!" She heard the little girl yell._

_That's when she stopped laughing. All this time she thought it was a joke, but now it was more serious. The little girl ran over the street towards Barney._

_She felt dizzy. Everything was too crazy to be true. Voices faded away and her eyes closed slowly._

* * *

"Oh my god, I can't see, I can't see." She yelled.

"Calm down," she heard the most beautiful voice she knew.

She forgot everything about her blindness when she heard him. She reached her hands for him and he embraced her.

She didn't feel scared anymore. She felt so secure in his arms. She couldn't see him, but she could feel him. She could smell his perfume and she could feel his breath on her neck.

"Barney, I can't see," she said in a sad voice.

"Have you tried to open your eyes?"

Robin didn't know how she'd forgotten to open her eyes. When she did she looked him right into his beautiful blue eyes.

She didn't want to tell him about her dream. Why would she anyways? It's not like the dream shows her the future.

"Where are they taking us?"

"I don't know, probably to Panama."

He stroked her hair and pulled her even closer.

"What are they gonna do to us?"

He didn't know the answer to that, but he had a feeling they were going to be fine. They just had to work together as a team. He wouldn't spend more years away from Robin. He'd rather die than knowing he'd never see her again. She was his life. She was the only reason he made it though those years in the jungle and he would not let that happen again.

"I have a feeling we'll be fine." He said and kissed her tenderly.

She broke the kiss and looked at him once more "but, what if..."

He took one finger on her mouth, "ssshh...we'll be fine, I promise." He said and kissed her again. This time she kissed him back.

* * *

**Please, tell me what you think. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's a new chapter. I'm not sure if it's good. I feel like it might get a little boring, idk.**

* * *

"Wake up!" He heard a sweet familiar voice say.

He tried to open his eyes once, but failed. He was too tired to even try again. Suddenly someone punched him hard "WAKE UP!"

This time the voice he heard was different. It was definitely a man. He tried to open his eyes once more, but for some reason he didn't manage to do it. He'd never thought it was possible to not be able to open your own eyes. All his body wanted to do was to lay there and forget everything for a while.

Everything went silent for something that felt like 5 minutes and then suddenly his whole body was soaked in ice cold water. He opened his eyes abruptly and looked at the ugly man that just woke him up.

"Wow, I never thought you would wake up."

Barney didn't know who he was and decided to ignore him. He observed the place realizing the sun was shining. He hadn't noticed before now that he hadn't seen the sun in a while. He'd been locked inside a big three box with Robin, but he had no idea for how long.

"Where's Robin?" He asked the man in front of him.

"You mean the bitch who came with you?" The man answered.

Before Barney got the chance to say something the man dragged him into a car.

* * *

Robin had managed to run away, but she felt guilty for leaving Barney alone with those guys, but she had no choice. They would've beaten her up if she hadn't managed to get away.

She didn't know where to go, but she had to find help. She had to get Barney to safety. She was not going to live her life without him again. 3 years without him was enough. If she had to live her whole life without him...She didn't even want to think about that. She wouldn't let that happen.

She walked on the busy street when she saw this sweet innocent little girl with sunglasses and a walking stick. The girl held a cup and begged for money. What Robin thought was so weird was that she was clearly blind or at least that's what it looked like, but what bothered her was that the girl didn't walk like blind people. She didn't even use the walking stick she held in one of her hands.

The girl walked towards Robin and said "Dinero?"

Robin had no idea what she meant, but she put a couple of American dollars in her cup.

"Wow, thank you," the girl said.

She knew how to talk English, how old was this girl? 5?

"So, you're not blind huh? Robin asked slowly to be sure she understood.

The girl didn't answer put took of her glasses so Robin could look directly in her eyes.

Oh my god! She knew this girl, she'd seen her before, but she couldn't remember exactly where.

The girl kept staring at her with her beautiful sad eyes.

"So, where's your parents?" Robin asked the small girl.

The girl took her hand and started to walk the direction Robin came from.

* * *

Barney was alone in the car. He couldn't get out of there and it was hot as hell. He would prbably die if he didn't get out soon. His suit was soaked in sweat. He slowly took of his tie and shirt and sat with just his pants, but it was still too hot. His throat was dry and his heart pounded slower than usual. He could almost hear his lungs screaming for fresh air, but he couldn't find anything to destroy the windows with.

His mind went to Robin. He couldn't die like this. He'd finally came back to Robin. He'd been ready to spend the rest of his life with her as her husband, but now he would die in a car. He felt tears in his eyes when his body started to give up. He'd been so close to happiness again, but now he was so far away. At least it felt like it. He closed his eyes, probably for the last time ready to say goodbye to the world. Suddenly he heared a noise of breaking glass, a familiar voice saying his name. He opened his eyes one last time to see two small brown eyes staring at him and then everything went dark.

* * *

**Okay, this chapter was weird, but anyways. What d'you think? **


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